It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they're like a gay fantastic four
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
