Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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