Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
