They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
