You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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