since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
