Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
