You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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