I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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