btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
