you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
