i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is the high leading the old right now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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