You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
