People with herpes should wear stickers.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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