Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
