god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
