this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
