she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
