So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
