he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
