I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
