We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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