My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
