I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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