I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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