Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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