Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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