Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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