just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
