A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
