We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
