How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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