no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
