Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Are we still banned from the library?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
