Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize