That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
