I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
