the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
