She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
