Porn is love you can see.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
