i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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