so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
