but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
