I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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