dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
