Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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