Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
