i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
