escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it hurts more in the daytime
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
