walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
