apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
