Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
