Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
