Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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