Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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