I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
