Too much gin, very little bucket
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
