I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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