She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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