You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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