I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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