You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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