he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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