turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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