I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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