i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
