I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
