You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
