i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
