You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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