i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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