I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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