Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
