like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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