I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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