Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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