He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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