My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
