That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
