My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
