Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
