when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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