When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Too much gin, very little bucket
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
