So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So many bounce houses so little time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
