Can i not drive my cunt home
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it glows. i had to have it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize