i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You are the jesus of drinking
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
