i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
