You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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