he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
