i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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