remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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