so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize