I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Say something about gay babies.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
