You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
