"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
