hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
