i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
