fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
