Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
